saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
