I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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