And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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