saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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