a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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