apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
