He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
