I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
