As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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