im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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