Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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