someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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