my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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