But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize