In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
