"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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