Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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