You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
