3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you will always have a special place in my vag
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
