Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
