plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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