no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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