there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
