help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
