This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
