I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
