That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
