Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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