Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
