TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
