She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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