so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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