chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
