I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We need to get me chipped asap
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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