New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
