He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
