Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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