haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
