I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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