I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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