i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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