I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
