ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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