I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
