Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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