I heard we made out
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
