i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
