oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
