consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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