Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
how drunk are you?
Several
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
