it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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