An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have post one night stand depression
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