ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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