Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just had sex bonerless
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
