Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
