no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
