That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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