Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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