This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
