she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
