Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
