You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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