Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
