yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
