I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
