pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
