i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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