as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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