You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
