I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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