Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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