i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
