this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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