Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
