So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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