It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
