I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You smell like stripper and shame
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
