First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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