life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
